just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
