I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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