I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Holy shit dude........stairs
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize