I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize
