I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
