Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
