don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Randomize
