i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
cat food counts as protein by the way
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
