dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Randomize