I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
You may now shotgun with the bride
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
