hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
