If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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