Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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