there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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