last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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