how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
