You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
we're so committed to being not committed
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
You don't make any sense
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