At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Randomize
