sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
