the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize