I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
