one word: firstdatebathroomanal
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize