So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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