Betty ford says i'm here all night
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I would ride that face into the sunset
Randomize
