Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
okay pat passed out under dana's car
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
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