I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
