Whoa Z and x make the same sound
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
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