vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize