I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
