She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Randomize
