He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Randomize