I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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