I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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