i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I have tasted many bathrooms
Randomize
