i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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