i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
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