yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
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