apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
