I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
