I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
