the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
So much rum. So many feels.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Randomize
