I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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