Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
