new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Its about making memories worth repressing
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize