I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
