he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
