Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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