Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
