saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
