I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
