I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
You can't just leave with hair like that
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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