found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
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