my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Randomize
