Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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