high people should be assigned attendants
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
