Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
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