I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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