bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
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