He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
