Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Randomize
