he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize