Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
