I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Randomize
