I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize