Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Randomize
