Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
