i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
