Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Randomize
