not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize