Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
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