I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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