I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
