Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
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