I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize