one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Still dying that you shit outside
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
