Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
