At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
