is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
