My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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