Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
