She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
