Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Randomize
