all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
My vagina just clenched in fear
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
