At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
areolas are like halos for boobs.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
