wakey wakey hands off snakey
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
